*By Dr. Devan
Words are among the most powerful forces available to humanity. They can heal or hurt, build or break, inspire or extinguish. Every conversation we engage in is an opportunity to uplift or diminish someone’s spirit. Unfortunately, most people use their words unconsciously — to complain, criticize, compare, or control. Yet, if we become deliberate and mindful about the words we use, we can transform not only our relationships but also our emotional environment.
The most effective way to do this is to consciously center our daily conversations around four golden elements: Appreciation, Admiration, Approval, and Encouragement. These four are not just pleasant conversational tools; they are emotional vitamins that nourish human connection. When we embody these four consistently, we begin to radiate positivity that changes the energy of every room we enter.
1. Appreciation — The Recognition of Value
Appreciation is the art of seeing the good in others and expressing it sincerely. It is the recognition of effort, intention, and goodness. When you appreciate someone, you’re essentially saying, “I see you. I value what you did.”
Everyone, from a child to an elder, craves appreciation. It validates their existence and efforts. People bloom under appreciation just as flowers bloom under sunlight. A simple, “I really appreciate how you handled that situation,” or “Thank you for always being dependable,” can infuse someone with renewed motivation and confidence.
Appreciation is not about flattery. It’s about truthfully acknowledging what is right and beautiful in others. Even when someone’s performance is imperfect, there’s always something worthy of recognition — effort, intention, progress, or perseverance. When you focus on what’s right, people naturally improve on what’s wrong.
In families, workplaces, and friendships, appreciation acts like glue. It binds people together through mutual respect. It prevents relationships from drying up through neglect. A child who grows up in a home filled with appreciation learns self-worth. An employee appreciated by their superior works not out of fear, but out of loyalty and pride.
If criticism is a poison, appreciation is its antidote. If complaint corrodes, appreciation heals. So make it your practice to end every conversation with appreciation — find at least one genuine thing to commend. The world would instantly become warmer if every person made appreciation a habit.
2. Admiration — The Acknowledgment of Excellence
Admiration is the ability to recognize excellence, character, or talent in others and to express it without envy. It’s an emotional posture that says, “You inspire me.” Admiration is a form of respect that uplifts both the giver and the receiver.
To admire is to look beyond yourself and celebrate greatness wherever it exists. Unfortunately, many people hesitate to express admiration because of insecurity — they fear that admiring another somehow diminishes their own worth. But the opposite is true. Admiration reflects inner confidence. Only those who are secure in themselves can wholeheartedly admire others.
Admiration motivates. When you tell a colleague, “I admire your patience with clients,” or “I admire the way you stay calm under pressure,” you reinforce that trait in them. It becomes part of their identity. Genuine admiration is transformative because it focuses on strengths rather than weaknesses.
Great leaders understand this. They make a habit of admiring publicly. They shine the spotlight on others’ achievements, and in doing so, create a culture of excellence. When people are admired, they aspire to become even better.
Admiration also heals relationships. When you choose to admire instead of compare, you replace jealousy with inspiration. You begin to view others’ success not as a threat but as proof of possibility. The energy of admiration lifts the soul; it turns competition into collaboration.
So let admiration become your reflex. Every day, find someone to admire — for their courage, kindness, skill, discipline, or compassion. Speak it out loud. The world is not short of admirable people; it is only short of those who express admiration.
3. Approval — The Gift of Emotional Validation
Approval is the third golden pillar — the gentle nod that says, “You’re doing fine.” It fulfills a deep psychological need. Every human being seeks approval — from parents, peers, partners, and society. Approval is emotional oxygen; without it, people suffocate in self-doubt.
However, true approval is not blind endorsement. It’s not about agreeing with everything. Rather, it’s about recognizing the positive intention or progress behind someone’s action. It’s about saying, “I see your effort, and it’s good.”
When children grow up in an atmosphere of approval, they develop confidence. They dare to try, because even if they fail, they know their worth is not at stake. On the other hand, a lack of approval breeds insecurity and fear of failure. Adults, too, are no different. Employees, spouses, friends — everyone blossoms when their actions are met with approval rather than criticism.
Approval is also a preventive medicine against negativity. When you approve of someone’s efforts, you immunize them against despair. When you say, “I like how you’re trying,” you give them the courage to continue trying. Approval builds resilience.
To practice approval, notice effort, not just outcome. Approve of small victories. Approve of good intentions. Approve of progress. Approval does not mean perfection; it means participation in growth.
If you want to build people rather than break them, give approval generously. It is not weakness to express approval; it is wisdom.
4. Encouragement — The Power That Propels
Encouragement is perhaps the most powerful of the four. It is the ability to infuse someone with hope and courage through your words. To encourage is literally to “put courage into” another person.
Everyone you meet is carrying a silent battle — fears, insecurities, and disappointments they seldom reveal. A word of encouragement can act as a spark that reignites their inner flame. Sometimes, all it takes is a single phrase — “You can do it,” “I believe in you,” or “Don’t give up.” These may seem simple, but their psychological impact is profound.
Encouragement can turn failure into fuel. It transforms hesitation into determination. It has saved lives, careers, and relationships. Many great achievements in history began with someone whispering words of encouragement at the right moment.
Encouragement is also reciprocal. When you encourage others, you subconsciously encourage yourself. You align your own mind with hope and possibility. Encouragement is not just something you give; it is something that flows through you, strengthening you in the process.
In a world saturated with criticism and cynicism, encouragement is a revolutionary act. Choose to be that rare person who speaks life into others. Be the one who lifts rather than lowers. Remember: even if your encouragement seems unnoticed, it plants invisible seeds of strength in another soul.
The Four Together — The Language of Elevation
When you combine appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement, you create what can be called the language of elevation. It is the opposite of the language of judgment. Instead of finding faults, it finds virtues. Instead of breaking down, it builds up.
Every conversation you have — at home, at work, in casual social settings — can become a platform to practice these four. Before you speak, ask yourself:
Is what I’m about to say appreciative?
Does it express admiration or respect?
Does it convey approval or validation?
Does it offer encouragement or hope?
If not, consider rephrasing. Words that don’t heal often harm. By choosing only uplifting language, you begin to rewire not only your relationships but also your inner state. You become calmer, more compassionate, and more magnetic.
Psychologists have found that positivity in communication improves not just relationships but health. People who receive regular appreciation and encouragement have lower stress levels, better immune function, and higher productivity. Your words are medicine — or poison. Choose to prescribe healing daily.
Becoming a Source of Light
When you make these four principles your conversational compass, you stop reacting and start radiating. You become a thermostat, not a thermometer — you set the emotional climate instead of merely reflecting it.
In a world that often glorifies sarcasm and criticism as wit, be the one who chooses kindness as strength. Appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement are not signs of weakness; they are signs of wisdom. It takes great maturity to lift others instead of judging them.
Even small, simple words can have enormous ripple effects. A compliment to a stranger, an acknowledgment to a colleague, or encouragement to a struggling friend can alter the trajectory of their day — or even their life. You may forget your words, but they may remember them forever.
The Ripple Effect
The beauty of these four virtues is that they multiply. When you appreciate someone, they, in turn, feel motivated to appreciate others. When you admire openly, you normalize positivity. When you give approval, you encourage effort. When you offer encouragement, you pass forward the flame of hope.
In time, your circle transforms. You will notice that conversations become lighter, relationships become deeper, and conflicts become fewer. You’ll attract people who resonate with your positivity and repel those who thrive on negativity. Your speech becomes your signature — one associated with warmth and wisdom.
Conclusion — Speak to Inspire, Not to Impress
Every day offers countless opportunities to either elevate or erode others with your words. Choose elevation. Make appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement the backbone of your daily dialogue.
When you walk into a room, let your words add energy, not drain it. Let your presence be a balm, not a burden. Remember: people may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
So speak to make others feel valued. Speak to make others feel capable. Speak to remind them of their own light.
Let every conversation be your contribution to humanity’s emotional healing.
Because in the end, greatness is not measured by how much power you had over others —
but by how much strength you gave them through your words.
*Dr. Devan is a Mangaluru-based ENT specialist and author.
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