*By Dr. Devan
Life is a continuum, a river that flows from the innocence of childhood to the vigor of youth, through the responsibilities of adulthood, and eventually into the serene waters of old age. Each phase demands something different from us: play in childhood, passion in youth, responsibility in adulthood, and wisdom in old age. But if one thread binds all these stages, it is the recognition that life must be lived in harmony with its seasons.
At some point in our journey, it becomes not only necessary but also noble to lay down our arms—the constant striving, the endless working, the insatiable quest for control—and step into the role that nature gently prepares us for: the elder who enjoys the fruits of life with grandchildren. This, indeed, is a good life.
The Futility of Endless Striving
In the earlier stages of life, striving is essential. A young man or woman must fight for survival, carve out a career, build a family, and secure a place in society. This period is characterized by ambition, competition, and the constant push to achieve more. One works tirelessly, sacrificing leisure, hobbies, and sometimes even health, in order to fulfill duties and reach milestones.
But ambition, if left unchecked, becomes a prison. The desire to control everything—business, finances, children, even destiny—can eventually consume the very joy that life offers. Many spend decades climbing the ladder, only to realize when they reach the top that it leans against the wrong wall. Wealth may be amassed, power may be wielded, but if life is not savored, what has been gained?
There comes a time when striving must end. When we reach the autumn of our lives, our role is no longer that of the warrior, but of the sage. To cling to power, to endlessly work without pause, is to deny ourselves the richness of the later chapters.
Relinquishing Control
Relinquishing control does not mean abandoning responsibility or becoming indifferent. Rather, it is a conscious act of trust—trusting the children we raised to carry forward the family’s name and duty, trusting life to unfold as it must, trusting ourselves enough to rest.
For decades, parents often play the role of protectors and decision-makers. We control finances, guide children, build homes, and take charge of countless responsibilities. But when our children themselves become parents, the baton must be passed. To cling to authority is to prevent the natural growth of the next generation.
The wise elder learns to step back. They guide when asked, bless without imposing, and support without interfering. In doing so, they gift their children the freedom to grow and their grandchildren the gift of an unburdened relationship with them.
The Grandparent’s Reward
Of all the joys life offers, few can compare with the laughter of grandchildren. They are the living continuation of one’s legacy—not just of blood, but of values, stories, and traditions. Unlike children, who come with the weight of responsibility, grandchildren come as pure delight.
With grandchildren, one need not discipline, manage, or control. One can simply enjoy. They invite us back into childhood—into playfulness, wonder, and imagination. Through their eyes, we see the world anew. Their innocence softens us, their curiosity rekindles our own, and their affection reminds us of what truly matters.
To sit with grandchildren and tell them stories of one’s youth, to watch them grow without the burden of raising them, to hear their laughter echo through the home—this is life distilled into its purest joy.
The Philosophy of a Good Life
What is a “good life”? Philosophers across ages have debated it. Some argued it lies in virtue, others in pleasure, some in wealth, and others in service. Yet when one reflects on the arc of human existence, a good life seems to be one that is lived in balance: ambition in youth, responsibility in adulthood, and contentment in old age.
A man or woman who has worked sincerely, raised a family, contributed to society, and then peacefully embraces rest has lived well. The tragedy lies in those who never know when to stop striving—who spend their twilight years still chasing, still worrying, still refusing to rest.
A good life, then, is not merely in achieving but in knowing when to stop. It is in surrender, in acceptance, in laying down the arms of ceaseless effort and picking up the gentle pleasures of living.
The Spiritual Dimension
In many traditions, old age is seen not as decline but as ascent—the time to rise above the material, to prepare the soul for higher truths. Hindu philosophy speaks of the Vanaprastha Ashrama, the stage of life when one withdraws from worldly pursuits and turns inward. The Bible speaks of elders as fountains of wisdom, guiding younger generations with grace. Buddhism sees aging as a reminder of impermanence, a nudge toward enlightenment.
In this light, relinquishing control is not weakness but wisdom. It is not loss but liberation. To step away from endless work is to step toward inner peace. To stop fighting life is to begin flowing with it.
The Illusion of Indispensability
One of the barriers that prevents many from letting go is the illusion that they are indispensable—that without their involvement, the family, the business, or the world will collapse. But life has a way of proving otherwise. Children grow strong, businesses adapt, society continues. The truth is, none of us is indispensable.
This realization, though humbling, is also freeing. It allows us to let go without fear. To know that the world will go on without our constant control is to gain the courage to rest. The greatest legacy we can leave behind is not endless work but timeless love, not possessions but presence.
The Circle of Generations
Life moves in circles, not straight lines. We begin dependent, grow independent, take on responsibilities, and eventually return to a stage where dependence, gentleness, and simplicity define us again. Grandchildren remind us of this cycle. They are the mirror of our childhood and the promise of continuity beyond us.
By spending time with them, we complete the circle. We pass on not just wealth or property, but wisdom, laughter, and love. We give them stories, traditions, values—gifts that outlast material inheritance. In turn, they give us joy, vitality, and the feeling that our life has not been in vain.
The Courage to Stop
It takes courage to stop working. In a culture that glorifies productivity and achievement, stepping away may feel like failure. But true wisdom lies in knowing that life is not measured only by what we do, but also by how we rest, love, and enjoy.
Retirement is not an end but a beginning. It is the beginning of freedom, of time reclaimed, of simple pleasures rediscovered. It is the moment to sit under the tree one planted decades ago and enjoy its shade.
Conclusion: The Good Life
At some point in life, each of us must lay down our arms. The endless struggle to control, to achieve, to accumulate must give way to a gentler way of living. We must stop working, relinquish control, and embrace the season of rest and joy.
The truest wealth is not in bank accounts but in the smiles of grandchildren. The greatest success is not in titles but in the peace one carries in old age. The deepest fulfillment is not in control but in surrender.
To sit with grandchildren, to share meals, to laugh, to tell stories, to watch them grow—that is a life well lived. That is a good life.
Dr Devan is a Mangaluru-based ENT specialist and author.
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